Wednesday, October 7, 2009

And the winner is......

I'd like to accept this award of 'The Worst Mom in the World' on behalf of all worst mom's everywhere.
I couldn't have done this without the help of my children who nominated me for this award.
I am daily reminded of them whenever I catch sight of those single white hairs, stretch-marked hips, and newly-discovered wrinkles.
Giving up my career, shoe-fetish, and nights of sleep to nurture them will forever be a testament to my dedication to make it as The Worst Mom ever.
I couldn't accomplish this without my being so completely selfish that I buy them a new toy or new clothes for absolutely no reason.
Oh, I can't forget to thank my husband either for his genetic contribution to our offspring and whose DNA runs rampantly through them.
I'd like to thank my parents for wishing upon me that my children will be just like ME.
Thanks, your dream has apparently come through.
Thank you Dr. Phil for showing me in all your infinite wisdom my failure as a mother and may you have continued success at the expense of all the other failing parents in the world.
Lastly, I'd like to thank my single, childless friends whose lives I live through vicariously every time they post a status update on Facebook. Without them, my dreams would be full of time-outs, potty words, and slamming doors instead of their wonderful exploits of freedom.
Thank You!

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