New Years Irresolution

I have discovered, over and over, that it is important for me not to go above and beyond the things that make me, me.  Over the years, I've tried to change, but the results have not changed.

Once a year, I decide that I'm ready to be a real, responsible, healthy adult and it always ends terribly for me. But, I try anyway.  I sit myself down and tell myself how I'm going to do this.  Schedules are drafted.  Day-planners are purchased.  I stock up on fancy food because I'm planning on converting my entire family into healthier eating habits. I put away my daily yoga pants and pull out my nice jeans, skirts, heels and button down shirts. Yes, I prepare for my new life like some people prepare for the apocalypse.

The first day or two of my plans usually goes okay.

For a little while, I actually feel all grown-up and healthy!  I strut around with my ‘dressy’ clothes, looking everyone in the eye with that  glance that says "look at ME, I’m dressed up and responsible….just look at all my fancy groceries.”

At some point, I start feeling self-congratulatory.

This is a mistake.  

I begin to feel like I've accomplished my goals. I lose a few pounds, my nails are done, my hair is perfect, and I feel really good about myself. It's like I think a lifestyle change is something that can be earned like a trophy in one epic burst of effort and then coveted for the rest of my life.  

What usually ends up happening is that I completely wear myself out. Thinking that I've earned it, I give myself permission to slack off for a while. My fancy shoes, give m blisters (oh, how I miss my flip flops). I break out from wearing make-up everyday, and I get really tired of cooking every night!

Is it really that bad, if I wear my holed jeans while I run my errands? I’ll make sure to flat iron my hair and put on some lip gloss, this is acceptable, right? 

Well, I end up needing to take more recovery time than usual and this is when it all starts….

The longer I procrastinate, put on my yoga pants, and allow myself to drive thru Chic-fil-a for dinner, only leads to more and more irresolution.  

At some point in this endlessly spiraling disaster, I am forced to throw all of my energy into starting over again, just to dig myself out of the pit I've fallen into. The problem is that I start over, already burnt out from the last round. I won’t allow myself to fail. But,I do because it always ends the same way.  

And then I rebel.  

yummmm!

So, I’ve come to a new yearly resolution…..Do more of what makes me happy, fly by the seat of my pants, and laugh more! I’ll never fail at this one. 

Happy New Year, family and friends! 

Sleepless in Scrubs

I missed another school event last night…because I had to work. I rolled into my front door at 9am because I had to stop and get groceries before I could go home. If I am fortunate, I will sleep like a rock, hard and solid. But, when the kids get home from school, they will be on their own again...struggling to stay quiet so I can sleep. When I finally awaken, I will stumble through a shower and make my way downstairs. I’ll attempt to listen to my kids tell me about their day, trying to retain what they are saying. Unfortunately a lot of it goes in one ear and out the other:(

Coffee. Where’s the coffee…

My husband gets home, I tell him what he needs to know about my day: I didn’t touch the laundry, I didn’t unload the dishwasher, dinner is not ready, and the kids just started on their homework…oh, and we need more coffee. He nods, gives me a hug and out the door I go.

My drive to work consists of some kind of caffeine drinking and clearing the fog from my head. What will be in store for me tonight? A high census? Call-ins? I stress myself out before I even get to work…..

Where am I going with this: well, I write this post as a tribute to the night nurses that I have had the pleasure to work with. Although I am jokingly called a traitor for accepting a day position, I can’t help but feel a bit sad for leaving such a great group of nurses, some of whom I can call my friends.

The conversations that go on at night are unforgettable.

At night, we get the crazies, the spontaneous labors, the A.M. scheduled c-sections in labor. Everything is a surprise. We are sleepy, but we are working hard. We are overlooked, but we are faithful. We are lonely, but united. We are irritable, but knowledgeable. We are independent, but deeply depend on each other. We work in the dark, but our humors are light. Our stomachs are bloated and our bladders are full. Life goes on without us, and we go on when life settles. We function in darkness, even in the daylight. We have found ourselves driving into our driveways with no memory of ever driving home.

Night shift friends, you’ve made me laugh when I’ve been at my very worst and helped me transition into the nurse that I am. When I see you, at change of shift, please know that I am forever grateful for you. XOXO 

My First 5K

Let me start off by saying that I am surrounded by active runners and athletes.  I live in prime runners community. When I first moved into my neighborhood, I wondered what all those water coolers were doing on the benches that surrounded my neighboring communities. At any time during the day, my commute down Stonebridge Drive has runners of all ages and all paces. I kept reading facebook posts of people posting their 'time' and training for their next race (because they do this all the time….oh whatever!). I got a little jealous, to say the least and finally put my mind to it and decided to sign up for the Hot Chocolate Dallas race with my oldest daughter, Sydney. I didn't even know how to get started so I just continued to work out and add running into my workouts.

When I first started running (or attempted to run, rather), I read people's running stories….thinking how that didn’t interest me and I didn’t see myself ever officially running a race. But the more I read and the more posts I saw on facebook, the more I became interested and wondered if that was something I could actually do. I've been on a health kick since boot camp, so I was looking for a way to keep in shape and get the same energy and strong legs, for that matter, that all my running friends have!

As Sydney and I ran each week, I experienced some easy days, but also harder days. Becoming frustrated is simply an understatement on how I felt at times….even 3 days before race day I didn’t think I could do it.  The more I huffed and puffed and ended up walking more than running, the more I thought “what in the world am I thinking?” or “there is no way I can do this”. The more this happened the angrier at myself and at running itself I became.  It seemed I could hit the 2 mile mark and simply give out and have to stop and walk. I wanted to run a 5K, not walk it. And that was what I was determined to do. As far as “training” for my first 5K, I’m not sure if that’s what I should call it. I mean, it sounds so official-like…but, I’m just a girl who runs….with her kids….on a paved road…thru neighborhoods. I’ve never called myself a runner before and it seems to me that I’m just running a 5K; it’s not like it’s a marathon or anything like that.

On race day....I was freaking out!!!! Again, thoughts flooded my mind, seriously, I had never run in front of anybody, what if I fall? What if I can't finish the race? What am I doing this for...on this freezing cold morning?' Okay, breathe….I had a plan and I would stick with it. Race was to begin at 8:00 and we wanted to arrive by 7. I had picked up my race packet two days before. I had my clothes laid out and my alarm was set for 5:00.  I wanted plenty of time for my morning coffee and breakfast: my anytime snack of peanut butter toast with a sliced banana. It’s filling and full of protein and carbs...it's just what I needed! As we took to the starting line,  I was already breathing heavy and trying to calm myself down and focus. Slow and steady wins the became my mantra.  I repeated it over and over to myself.  I looked over at Sydney, gave her a hug, and wished her a good race. And so we began.

As everybody quickly ran out of site, I tried to keep my pace steady and stay focused.  It wasn’t long before I began to pass other runners who were starting to slow down.  I soon began to tune all of that out and just concentrate on my own pace and remember that I was doing this for me and for me only. The first mile actually went pretty smoothly.  My pace was steady and I felt good.  I was having fun. The second mile, I slowed down abit, but tried to keep my pace steady. I was fearful of tiring too quickly and I seriously wanted to run across that finish line! By the third mile, the adrenaline kicked in even more and my pace became faster. Did I mention that Sydney was way ahead of me and out of my sight at this point. My official time was 41 min 11 seconds…slow compared to others, but it was actually a personal best for me. I feel pretty good about my finish. I know this is all pretty silly and sounds like I should have been preparing for and running a marathon, but I suppose to me, in my little neck of the woods, it was. And now, I can say I DID IT!!!

No meat, no problem

Over the years of celebrating the Lenten season, I have found ways to be creative with Friday night dinners.
At first, the thought of not eating meat was crazy.....how was I supposed to make dinner without meat? let alone all meals of the day and keep my kids satisfied.
But, I think I have mastered it.
My kids have remembered not to eat meat all on their own and they look forward to some creative but, very common meals such as pancakes, vegetable lasagna, and shrimp kabobs.
One of our favorite Friday night dinners is plain ole' cheese pizza. Although, pizza is already a Friday night tradition it is nice to see my family happily give up pepperoni and sausage. The kids have even picked it off their pizza at school.
Pinterest has been wonderful this year with helping me plan some of these meals that it has become a regular Friday occurrence.

Something that I thought was so difficult has become a great experience.

40 days and 40 nights.....

Lent is a special time when you can share the concepts of prayer and giving with everyone around you. Taking time each day to offer devotional prayers, helping others in need by giving of your time or resources. Even as young children, my kids have enjoyed participating in this process.
As a mother, I carve out time in my busy day for special prayer time and recalling on lessons learned.
Some things that I have done differently for Lent are suggestions I have gotten from Dr Marcellino D’Ambrosio, Catholic theologian and speaker. He has come up with many great ideas for making the most out of the Lenten season.
He says:
Spend some focused time with your spouse, strengthening your marriage.
Start praying together, or make praying together a more frequent occurrence.
Spend some focused time together with each of your children. Take time to listen. Pray and maybe even have fun.
When Easter comes, don’t drop the new practice you’ve begun during the Season Lent!
Make a permanent feature of a deeper Christian life!
Family values are a big part of the Tubiolo house and with every passing year, I can see where our faith and family has grown stronger.

Salary of a Nurse

Somebody once asked: "Are you a nurse?!? I wanted to be a nurse when I was a kid. How much do you make?"
The nurse replied: "HOW MUCH DO I MAKE?"

Well.......
I can make holding your hand seem like the most important thing in the world when you're scared.
I can make your child breathe when they stop.
I can help your father survive a heart attack.
I can make myself get up at 5AM....... to make sure your mother has the medicine she needs to live.
I work all day to save the lives of strangers.
I make my family wait for dinner until I know your family member is taken cared of.
I make myself skip lunch so that I can make sure that everything I did for your wife today is charted.
I make myself work weekends and holidays because people don't just get sick Monday thru Friday.
Today, I might save your life.

So, how much do I make???

I make a difference.

Tassels to The Left......

I knew that my nursing degree, would be my most valued and hardest earned. During school, I worried a lot about working and going to school full time, and that I would miss out on time with my kids. I realize now that they were totally ready for whatever sacrifices they had to make. They wanted to see me in a job and career I liked. And as they approach college, it wasn't the worst thing in the world for them to see me getting a degree, and to see that sometimes you have to keep trying even when things don't go perfectly.
That middle shelf of books, has been my life for the past two years. Well, not completely.....I must say, the friends I made in the classroom and in clinicals were too. They will be lifetime friends. We will be following one another's career progress, and will definitely cross paths again.
These people who I studied with, commiserated with, cried with, sweated test scores with, people who came from every background and every age: we are forever bonded by this experience.
Those early red-eyed mornings, when coffee was just not doing the trick, another mess in the patients bed to clean, days we really missed our children, or those days when we felt like we did not know what the heck we were doing.....we got each other thru those crazy days! The best of times will be remembered too......the first time seeing a live birth, group lunches, squiggly neck hairs, getting all your meds administered on time......those are some good times.
But, as we say goodbye to the classroom, we open the door to a new life......can you believe we are nurses?!!!!
We all felt like this day would never get here and here we are!
CONGRATULATIONS, my dear classmates.....we made it!
I wish you luck in everything you do and wherever life takes you.

Some other beginnings end......

The first day of school for me, is one of the most exciting days of the year, especially as a child. There's was always a breezy excitement in the air. There’s a smell that I can’t quite pinpoint, I think it’s a mix of pink erasers, sharpened pencils, and new backpacks, that used to hit all my senses and made it that much more exciting.  
It sounds cheesy, but I actually got very nostalgic. That excitement came rushing back as I was pulling out my last syllabus of nursing school. I've waited a long time for this day. From this point on it’s the final count down.
This is itl…..the end of the nursing school road. Best of luck to everyone this semester, whether it’s your first or last – we’re all on this road together.
 

Must Not Stress

Today I was lost in thought about the hundred little things that had to be done before Monday!

The ever-growing list of "must do items" was overwhelming.

The laundry. It looks like a small bomb went off in the laundry room. The pantry is overflowing with all of my recent coupon deals and needs some serious organization, it's Labor Day weekend and I must get a list together for a BBQ we are going to, I have items waiting for me at the dry cleaners and I have two overdue movies from blockbuster that seriously need to be returned, and don't even get me started on the garage.

This year I volunteered to help out at the kids school, made myself available to work 2 days a week, and joined a mom group. It’s crazy, every time my iPhone goes ping ping new message I jump! ughhhh

As these thoughts seemed to take over when, I told myself to consider the things that I did today that really matter.

Today, I have a son that has developed a love for sports and always keeps me on my toes, a daughter who is adjusting very well to middle school and making tons of friends, another daughter who is almost out of her braces and a great asset to her soccer team and, a hot Starbucks in my hand and a new found addiction to Twitter.

Laundry, lists, party planning, PTA, will eventually get done. It always does.

So, tonight I will turn my phone off, make some hot chocolate and have a game of scrabble while my Hubby's is distracted by Football. I confess it is the only way I can beat him.

I must be getting old because this kind of day, it thrills me to no end.

A New Change

This year is not going to be easy.
After Christmas I start making a list of the things that I need to get done, things I need to change, and things I need to appreciate.

This is what 2010 will be like for us:
Sydney will be entering middle school and I am nervous for her. I am not ready for the middle school drama, hormones, and boys. She is still my little girl.
Naty will get glasses and braces. This year she will go through a dramatic transformation and I don't look forward to her changing smile.
Ethan is starting to lose teeth, this year he will also go through changing face, height, and weight. He will still play sports but, he will start hockey soon!
Mike will become a fireman. He will work long hours and we will miss having him home every night. I am proud of him for making the career change in order to support his family but, it also makes me scared.
This year I will become a nurse. The lives of many will rest in my hands and depend on my knowledge. I will have finally reached the goal I have worked so hard for.

I have realized that I have so much to get done, appreciate, and change.With every new year I set new goals, new dreams, leave the anger, hope for better, lose the drama, and cherish my loved ones but, I have made it my priority to make sure this BUSY year will bea great one!!!!
Happy New Year!

Rain,extension cords, and lights....oh my!

Today was a cold rainy Sunday but, we put up the Christmas lights on our house anyway. I love decorating! I think it is so much fun to start the process of decorating the house for Christmas. It is exciting to see how it will look this year, what things will work, what won't. I am often heartbroken each year by the things that broke over the year or things that have mysteriously disappeared since last year. But, each year I purchase a couple new things that add to our display and sigh, our house just looks so sweet. All we need now is snow to really look good. Snow always completes the look to make it all perfect.The really nice thing about this year is that we were able to put everything up in 50 degree weather!!! The weather has been so nice this Fall. It is due to change soon, maybe even this week but, putting up Christmas lights in 50 degrees was great, even though it was raining a bit.

Christmas is such a magical and miracle part of the year! I love this season but, I think it is often over done, over commercialized and under done about the true meaning of Christmas……..it’s ALL about Jesus people!
Decorating your home is a symbolic of what we, as Christians, need to do all year round
It is nice to drive down my street and see the spirit of Christmas shining bright.

Dream a Little Dream

We all have dreams.
You know which ones I'm talking about, those dreams that started when we were children. The early ones, full of wonder and hope. The ones that left a sparkle in your eye when you thought about them. For some, those dreams eventually disappear and things change. Your desires, your friends, your family, your self. Life takes unexpected turns and sometimes it makes you realize that your dream is not sustaining you.
So you do something about it:
You move.
You change careers.
You change friends.
You by a car.
I refused to be one of those people who settle for being everything they never wanted to be. If I saw that my life was headed in the wrong direction, I made a u-turn: if I met the wrong person, I kept my distance: and when I met a good friend, I was a good friend back. I knew my whole life that I wanted to be a mother and maybe a doctor or a nurse so I didn't let my husband's salary stand in the way of that dream. Don't get me wrong, when I became a mother, I devoted everything I have to my family and still do. But the hopes of becoming a medical professional never went away (and yes you CAN be both). I love people, and I love helping them. I have always had the dreams of love, happy ever after, the white picket fence, career, a great husband and children.... whatever it was, it was MY dream and somewhere along the way I started to see my dreams becoming a reality...graduation, marriage, children, a cozy home, and happiness.
So you see...dreams are much more than just empty wishes, with determination and an open mind.....some dreams really do come true =)