I can do this!!!!

I have been blessed with the ability to juggle the things in life that matter to me. Yes, it is possible to be a working mother, soccer mom, PTA mom, domestic housewife (yes, I clean my own house) and still have a social life. One of the things I struggle with most, is guilt. I think that having a job outside the home adds another layer to the guilt that every mom feels.
 I have really struggled with is finding a true mentor in my current work place - someone who I look at and think that I want to be exactly like her. In the field of nursing, that can be quite challenging but, at least I do know the type of woman that I want to be...she's not perfect, but she works hard. She is a good nurse, wife and mother. She honors the Lord in all she does and raises her kids with dignity and love. All of this comes with sacrifice.
I find it quite comical that people often approach me and ask me ‘how I do it all?’ I find it funny because a lot of people see the ‘calm, cool, collected’ me that has it all together when it comes to balancing motherhood and being a somewhat workaholic. How can people think that I do this so easily? Only my husband sees some of the frantic episodes that occur more frequently than you think. So I'm going to burst your bubble...I can’t always ‘do it all’, but instead I have found what works for me. Fulfilling my dreams to become a nurse came with many sacrifices. Some sacrifices were not a big deal and others were painful.
 How did I become OK with that you might ask? A lot of prayer! I am the first to admit that I can be one of the world's worst about taking things into my own hands instead of waiting for God's direction. I recently had one of these times...I leaned heavily on my own abilities and ended up frustrated. I did finally come to a point where I came on my knees to God, asking for his path for my life. I'll admit that the answer I got wasn't exactly what I expected, but God granted me with a true peace about it.
So when you see me working double shifts, getting up for boot camp at 0500am, volunteering at the kids school and rushing home to have dinner with my family…know that I am grateful for every minute of it.

I've decided to home school

I was informed a few of months ago that my sweet young son was struggling with reading.  After meeting with his teacher, and hearing her recommendations, I held it all together, smiled, and left.

The closer I got to the car…the tears filled my eyes and I completely lost it when I closed the car door. My little boy…..struggling…WHY? HOW? His older sisters are series book readers and have never been behind in any subject. Where did I go wrong with him? Was it because we moved schools? Was it because I went to nursing school? I felt a lot of guilt, and at that very moment I decided that I needed to do something. And I did.

I ordered home school materials and talked to all my friends. In just a few weeks of working with him, he improved so much! I won't lie and say that it was easy (for me) but, I CAN do this, I WILL do this, for my kids. Ethan is now reading chapter books and testing two grade levels higher in math (at times I feel like he is teaching me math…LOL!).

I’m not sure if the one-to-one instruction is just what he needed or if he is not getting the help that he needs at school but, whatever it is....it's working. 

I have enjoyed our teaching times and am considering to home school all the kids next year.  It will be a challenge but, I am looking forward to it. 

Time after time....

I have what I think could be considered an “obsessive personality.” I know it, I recognize it and….I it. It’s what brings out spontaneity in me, what drives me to push myself beyond the norm, it’s what gets me out of the rut that we all fall into. It’s why I started and continued house projects. It’s why I write and blog. It’s why I scrapbook. Why my house is so organized. And more importantly why I am the mother that I have become. Ever since having kids, I find time slips through my fingers faster than it ever did. 
I love and appreciate all the relationships in my life but I admit, I’m not always present to those around me. Maybe it’s part of my personality to ponder, reflect and contemplate about life. Sometimes I forget that everyday life has its own richness of taste, feel and touch. When I let myself be in touch with my kids, is when I see their imagination taking them to far-off places. They’re writing plays with their friends, talking with each other about what they’re wearing, how they’re getting to school, family vacations, and what spend their allowances on. Through plenty of trial and error, I discovered something to be managed through choosing the right priorities for myself and my family….TIME.

Time is such a valuable gift. What we do with it is a gift to those around us. When one parent works 12 hour shifts and each kid has their own activities, time together can be an issue. But, I have not let that be an excuse. I have to say that thru all these stressful months of nursing school, moving, and soccer schedules, we have managed to have dinner together every evening. I’m grateful for my family and for the time I can spend with our kids now when they’re still young. Like many wise women tell me, they’re this young only once. Treasure these moments.
 My family and spiritual life are my highest priorities. I still have dreams and aspirations, and sometimes they take me to far-off places, taking more time than I’d like. Thankfully, the people in my everyday life keep me grounded.

The night shift

Lots of people don't like working night shifts. It makes you nocturnal, you miss out everything because you're comatose in bed, and sometimes people mistake your pasty skin for really bad makeup. For me, it’s a love/hate relationship.

I love the night shift staff, I love the ability to sleep in until 11am and get away with it on any given day.

There are, however, some things that make me wonder if I'm a little bit jacked in the head from working all these nights. Like this morning. I came home after 2 nights in a row of night shifts (after being on days for over a year), and was seriously craving for some waffles. I was so tired and really want to go to bed...but those waffles needed to come first.

There I was, standing at the counter with my toaster oven trying to stay awake. I’m still in my scrubs, I need to shower…. I really should...I could...but I don't.

Finally, my waffles are done, I sit on the couch, put on last nights’ Real Housewives of New Jersey, and begin to chow. I don’t care that I still have my scrubs on nor do I care about what could be on them after a 12 hour shift in Labor & Delivery! I was hungry and tired.
I don’t even know at what point I fell asleep but I was awakened by the sound of the garbage trucks taking my trash.
And guess what? Yep, my lovely waffles are now stuck in my hair, on my face, and on my beautiful 12 hour worn scrubs. Somehow I managed to keep it from getting on the couch, what a relief!
It’s not until I look in the mirror and laugh, that I shrug my shoulders, throw my arms in the air and say whatever!
I'm full, ten minutes from a carb coma, gotta work again tonight, and I'm going to bed.

I love/hate night shift.

A letter for my kids: an apology

Dear Sydney, Naty, & Ethan,
Yes, I could have continued to just ‘stay at home’ but this family has one thing that many families don't: the eagerness to accomplish anything we set our minds to. When I got accepted into nursing school, love & support is the very least that I received from you all. This last year has been full of sacrifices from everyone around me, mostly you. At times I felt as though I was the only one going through the rocky times so, I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for the bumps in the road and promise to get things back t normal (if there is such a thing!)
I’m sorry for the mornings I wasn’t there to make your lunch and kiss you goodbye in front of the school. I’m sorry for the dinner plans that rotated around McDonalds or Chik-fil-a. I’m sorry for the mornings you woke me up instead of the other way around. I’m sorry for the last-minute book reports and projects that were forgotten. I’m sorry for the field trips and competitions and sports days that I wasn’t there to be a part of and to cheer you on. I’m sorry for the cupcakes I couldn’t bring, the cookies I didn’t bake and the class parties I couldn’t make. I’m sorry for the times I bought gifts to keep you busy instead of spending the time with you that I should have. I’m sorry for the times I yelled or snapped at you for minor things. I’m sorry that I projected my anger and frustration onto you way too many times. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the mother I should have been over these past months, that I had to focus so much of my attention school and exams. I hope you know that although it might have felt differently, I love you all more than anything in the world. I am thankful every day for the privilege of being your mother and I could not have gotten more perfect children. I pray that someday you will understand what happened during this time and that you will be forgiving of the many upsets and mistakes that were made. Mostly, I just pray that you always know how much you are loved.
I will make it up to you, that I can promise you.
Love,
Mommy, RN

Moving Along

Four years ago my husband, kids, and I left Florida for the suburbs. But it took four years of living here to scope out the perfect neighborhood.

The moment I drove up the driveway of this cozy home, I was charmed. This house is nine years old and the families that owned this house before us had a dog, a cat, raised children here and gave it lots of love. But, it desperately needed some attention, my husband and I knew it was a diamond in the rough and a house we could be happy in for the next chapter of our life.  We made an offer the same day we walked through and thus embarked on plans to remodel.

Three weeks later, we started the renovation and last week we moved out of the rental and into the house.  The contractor probably could have used another three to four weeks before I brought my three kids and all of our belongings into the house.  On moving day we only had one fully functional bathroom, about 75% of the light fixtures installed, and several other random projects still to be completed.  However, the lease was up at the rental and we decided to move, finished or not, rather than pay for another months rent.  

Every time someone asks me how I like the new house, I just smile and have to admit that I do love it, although I can’t wait to get rid of the smell of fresh paint! I don't complain about the dust or the unpacked boxes that I can’t seem to make time for. And I don't mention the three to four workmen I spend my days with from 8:30am to 5pm.    

You see, having several people who come in and out of my house every day has it's benefits.  Seriously. Not knowing who is going to show up at what time of day forces me to get up early in the morning before my children wake up and take a shower.  Before I leave to drop off the kids at school I do a sweep of the house and make sure all the randomly strewn pajama tops, legos, stuffed animals and books are picked up and out of the way.  I'm not usually bothered by a little dust, but we live in a construction site and I find myself picking up the vacuum much more often than usual.  My house has not been this clean and organized in a long time.

But the biggest benefit of having a houseful of plumbers and electricians has been quite unexpected. I've had to find other ways to deal with the sibling smack-down that seems to always happen when we're late for school and no one has combed their hair yet or they can't find their homework.  

Honestly, it's been a wake up call for me.  I can solve problems without yelling and guess what?  When I am not so quick to anger, the tantrums don't last as long and arguments actually get resolved faster. While surrounded by power drills, hammers and chaos all day my family has become calmer.  Hopefully we can maintain the peace after all the knobs have been put on the cabinets and all the rooms are finally put together.

 

Truly A Pampered Chef

Today has sure been a rough one! I don't understand why Thursdays have to be so crazy. Yes, all the kids have overlapping soccer practice on Thursday evenings but between two parents, we can sure juggle it. Somehow Thursdays have become my domesticated day as well. The whole house needs to be spotless and all the laundry needs to be washed and folded. I have to have the kids packed for practice and all uniforms for Saturday games have to be clean and ready to go. I sure need a little help on Thurdays and am not afraid to admit it.

Now with that being said, I want to share this great recipe that the pampered chef has introduced me to. I bought the deep dish baker last year and my family has had many meals prepared by this awesome stone baking dish. It works like a crock pot but you can use it in the microwave and have home cooked meals in less than half an hour, including prep time. I love it!!!!

It’s the Easy Tortellini Toss made with cheese tortellini, spinach, and ham. Yes, spinach!!!! And my kids always ask for seconds. Tonights Thursday dinner was delicious, fast, and not picked up from a drive thru window. It's the little things on Thursday evenings that really help!!!

Must Not Stress

Today I was lost in thought about the hundred little things that had to be done before Monday!

The ever-growing list of "must do items" was overwhelming.

The laundry. It looks like a small bomb went off in the laundry room. The pantry is overflowing with all of my recent coupon deals and needs some serious organization, it's Labor Day weekend and I must get a list together for a BBQ we are going to, I have items waiting for me at the dry cleaners and I have two overdue movies from blockbuster that seriously need to be returned, and don't even get me started on the garage.

This year I volunteered to help out at the kids school, made myself available to work 2 days a week, and joined a mom group. It’s crazy, every time my iPhone goes ping ping new message I jump! ughhhh

As these thoughts seemed to take over when, I told myself to consider the things that I did today that really matter.

Today, I have a son that has developed a love for sports and always keeps me on my toes, a daughter who is adjusting very well to middle school and making tons of friends, another daughter who is almost out of her braces and a great asset to her soccer team and, a hot Starbucks in my hand and a new found addiction to Twitter.

Laundry, lists, party planning, PTA, will eventually get done. It always does.

So, tonight I will turn my phone off, make some hot chocolate and have a game of scrabble while my Hubby's is distracted by Football. I confess it is the only way I can beat him.

I must be getting old because this kind of day, it thrills me to no end.

Just Another Manic Monday

I had everything ready for our first day back to school from winter break. The kids clothes was layed out and snacks were packed. The sound of coffee brewing was my morning sountrack. Everything went according to my plan, until it was time to head out the door. Ofcourse, at that time, I realize that someone hasn't brushed their teeth, someone could't find a shoe, and another someone couldn't find their library book.
So instead of being as organized as I so desperatley want to be, today turned out to be another normal chaotic morning.
Lately I feel like it is a crazy chaotic mess, offset by small clusters I have organized in an attempt to regain control. Like a pair of old shoes, it is scuffed. I find myself continually frustrated as I once again step on a Lego, and gather up stray shoes, cups, and make repeated pleas to the girls to pick up after themselves.
But..... it is home.
Finally I get the kids out the door being only a few minutes off schedule, and I sigh in relief.
Today was my busy, manic Monday. Yoga in the morning, followed by grocery shopping, lunch with a friend, and (hopefully) an afternoon nap. Running late was not ann option!
My life is an unpredictable series of comedies in error, incidents of unknown origin, and fly by the seat of my pants parenting.
I am slowly learning to embrace the chaos because it means I have a house full of life, love, and not to mention dirty laundry:)

Fa la la la la

Christmas is almost here, and like most people I have a lot off stuff to do and I'm not close to finishing it yet.

My kids are going to be shocked when they grow up and find that it's not a "thing" to wait until the middle of the night on Christmas Eve to wrap gifts. I may have grown a few extra white hairs over the past few days!!!!

I have a little bit less to do since my parents are not going to be able to make it this year, but Ethan's gift still hasn't arrived and I need to stock my pantry. The kids have been home, on winter break, eating all day.
So, I still have to go to the grocery and get a few odds and ends today. I found it hard to run my errands today when the weather is was so gorgeous! It was 70 degrees and I couldn't help but force the kids to play outside while I supervise with my large glass of tea. So that is what happened, no grocery, no errands, nothing just a lazy day. It was perfect, except tomorrow will be a crazy day ;(

Happy Birthday, Little Man

Today is Ethan's birthday!

He is 6 years old and feels like such a big boy.

Ethan has played t-ball, soccer, and football in all his six years and has done great in all of it. I don't push him by any means, I would NEVER be one of those parents but, I am glad to see that he is quite the athlete.
Truly life is flying by at such a fast rate the past few years I feel like I can't keep up. I just ordered our Christmas photos yesterday and I still haven't put last years photos in our Christmas album yet and I didn't put those in the album yet because the year before's aren't completely done yet! (Insert scream here.)
I just put away the Halloween stuff and now I am digging through the attic getting all my Christmas decorations out.

I still have shopping to do and even though Christmas is weeks away, I am way behind.

I am looking down at my calendar as I type and there is not ONE day for the rest of December that we don't have something scheduled. Then I flip to January and it isn't much better!
I am overwhelmed! I am behind the game and the game hasn't even started yet.
So, I just wanted to sneak on the computer and acknowledge my little man's birthday!

Happy Birthday Ethan!

Losing Time

The kids are in full swing at school and I already feel like we just re-boarded the runaway freight train we hopped off at the end of the last school year.
I usually get a week or so out of the new year before I feel like that.
What can I do to get on track again?
I think I just need to get into a routine again and out of some bad evening habits.
That routine will probably involve me actually folding and putting away laundry more than once a month.
And, dinner. Turns out the kids, indeed, require dinner every night.
Hmmm, just trying to figure out how to get on top of things before the school year gets too far underway.
It's going to take a few days of getting some things organized and a couple of evenings of making out our daily schedules, and I'll be good to go.
Hey, then I can also use that spare time to catch up on some of my favorite tv shows, organize my photos and scrapbook or just simply get some more sleep.

I've Got A Plan

So, I sat down to plan out the week's menu and "to dos" for every day of the week, trying to get back to a normal schedule. With Fall activities starting, homework, and holidays: time gets away.
Although, I manage to meet all my deadlines, go to every kids practice, help the kids with their homework, run my errands, and have a home cooked meals together as a family..... I can’t seem to understand how some things STILL never get done. How does that make any sense?
My solution: schedule everything!
How crazy does that sound? But it works. At least for me. A typical page in my calendar holds a spot for lunch because sometimes I get so involved in all my chaos that things get over looked.
It's already August, my kids are in school, and soon…..the weather will be cooling down and I need to start thinking about Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas-
Oh. My. Gosh. This year is not going to be CRAZY after all!!!

Missing Those Summer Days...already

It’s only August 2nd but, it seems like summer is over. The lazy stretched out weeks of summer are gone (snif snif) and I’ve got nothing to show for it. Not even a decent tan.
Our trip home to Florida was great and the weather was perfect. It was so nice to see family and have rainy summer days. Aside from the humiduty, the warm mosit air and 75 degree weather was anice break from the Texas heat!! By the time I got home, three glasses of wine wasn’t enough to manage my stress.
Clearly, the problem lies with me. Call me crotchity, but I find that I require a certain amount of quiet and sleeping hours to maintain my sanity. Some days there’s no such thing as quiet or sleep in my family.
I wish I could have stayed in Florida longer, but vacations can’t last forever. I'm just grateful that I was able to make two trips home this summer.
Moving on.
We’re home now and I am trying to finish my spring cleaning! Why do they call it that, heck I 'spring clean' all year long!!! Going through outgrown clothing and unmatched tupperware is an ongoing project. I'm trying to get my pantry stocked with lunch box items and get school clothes and supplies in order.....See? Summer really is over.
Maybe once the kids are in school, I’ll get something done.

Such A Princess

Sometimes I feel like Cinderella? No, not the princess version but, you know, the one with all the cooking, cleaning, and busy housework.
Being married, having kids, and running a household is like living the first thirty minutes of your average fairytale. I wonder sometimes what I did to deserve it all. And you know something? I'm not falling for the Happily-Ever-After crap. Nope, not at all, because once you're married, it's.all.over.honey!
Those poor fairy tale princesses, I'm betting they didn't know what they were in for. There's a reason all of their tales ended when they did and why we never got a follow-up.
Sure, we can probably assume that each Prince whisked his bride away on a lovely honeymoon. But the second they got back to their castles, I'm thinking it was all downhill for our young maidens. Taking that all into account, I'm quite certain this is how they turned out:

Before:

After:

Yep, that's them, married with kids, and all about to head off to the funny farm. Haha!

A Decade of Joy

A special little lady in my life turns 10 years old today and I can’t believe how fast the years have passed. She is growing up so fast and I feel like time is getting away, there is still so much I would like to teach her.I want to tell her lots of things. How proud I am of her. How special she is. How she has blossomed into a beautiful and elegant young woman. I want to explain to her that it's tough being 10. That other girls can sometimes be cruel, that she needs to keep her head up and walk proud and respect herself, and have enough confidence and wisdom to respect the choices she makes. I want to tell her that it's OK to make mistakes. That we learn from mistakes. That mistakes can make us better people. And if we live life afraid of being wrong, or making a mistake, that we never grow.




I want to tell her about how hard it's been being a working mother and juggling schedules, but because it's been worth every single second, I won't. I want to tell her all about how in life, there are always choices, and that it is these choices that define us, that build our character, that make us who we are.I want to tell her what a great big siter she is, how she is the first one who called me 'mom' and how much she means to me, and how much I love her…so I will...everyday.

And, as a very special birthday present today, I will be her friend. We will laugh, play, and have a sleepover…..in my room!!! Time goes by way to fast to let these moments pass without taking advantage.

Happy 10th Birthday Sydney, WE LOVE YOU!

Makin' a list.....

I have a list....you know THE LIST....the ones that are always getting longer & longer....
The List of things TO-DO....
The GROCERY List...
The PARTY List...
The WHAT I NEED TO PACK List...
I've been thinking this week about the CRAZINESS of Life...sometimes it goes smoothly, sometimes it hits all the bumps in the road....
sometimes it's filled with GREAT things...sometimes the worst things....
Rush, Hurry, Cram, Speed, Get-it-done....Go, Go, Go! These are all the words that seem to show up on my list. And, I can't help but think I'm making the WRONG list....I'm truly thinking my List needs to be more like this....
Take time to do something "just because" today
Compliment & Encourage a Friend
Call someone you're missing and catch up with them
Send an email to a far away friend
Realize all the beauty around me
Smile, Laugh, and be filled with JOY
Say the words I LOVE YOU to everyone that I Love!
Be Thankful for everything (even a bad hair day)
Have FUN....it's okay to act six again...to sing at the top of my lungs to the radio, to dance to the beat in my heart, and to dream