I've decided to home school

I was informed a few of months ago that my sweet young son was struggling with reading.  After meeting with his teacher, and hearing her recommendations, I held it all together, smiled, and left.

The closer I got to the car…the tears filled my eyes and I completely lost it when I closed the car door. My little boy…..struggling…WHY? HOW? His older sisters are series book readers and have never been behind in any subject. Where did I go wrong with him? Was it because we moved schools? Was it because I went to nursing school? I felt a lot of guilt, and at that very moment I decided that I needed to do something. And I did.

I ordered home school materials and talked to all my friends. In just a few weeks of working with him, he improved so much! I won't lie and say that it was easy (for me) but, I CAN do this, I WILL do this, for my kids. Ethan is now reading chapter books and testing two grade levels higher in math (at times I feel like he is teaching me math…LOL!).

I’m not sure if the one-to-one instruction is just what he needed or if he is not getting the help that he needs at school but, whatever it is....it's working. 

I have enjoyed our teaching times and am considering to home school all the kids next year.  It will be a challenge but, I am looking forward to it. 

ponchos, flashlights, and kids.....oh my!

It’s noon on Sunday, and I am currently packing to chaperone Naty’s fifth-grade class trip to Sky Ranch. We leave tomorrow morning for a 3day/2 night camping and learning adventure. Naty is so excited, and I am too! I am normally an over-packer, and it makes it even tougher trying to anticipate odd things the kids might need during the trip. So far I have garbage bags, ponchos, wipes, hand sanitizer, Band-Aids, sunscreen, pens, plastic bags in case clothes get wet somehow ……I’m still thinking. I always feel like I will forget to pack something.
The first thing that I packed was my travel coffee mug, we were told in our chaperone meeting that they would have caffeine available...all day long. YEAH!
I am one of twenty chaperones going with the class so we’re only responsible for about five kids each but you still feel stress taking care of someone else’s child while trying to keep drama under control and make sure everyone has a great time. This will be an adventure for us both.
I’ve chaperoned this camping trip when Sydney was in fifth grade too. We had a lot of fun: fishing, smore making, zip-lining, and hiking. It’s definitely an activity filled three days. It’s a great way to spend a few days with your classmates before starting middle school and veering in different directions.
I am glad that schools still think it’s important to allocate funds to take the kids on this type of overnight trip. It’s something Texas fifth graders look forward to all of their elementary years, they all feel like BIG stuff, and I know they will learn a lot and make great memories.

My NCLEX experience

I won’t write about the days leading up to NCLEX as they can be described in one word: INSANE.
So, I arrived early to the testing facility. When I arrived on the eighth floor, the door to the testing center was locked and had a sign that said please wait for a representative to open the doors at 7:25.
I immediately starting speaking to another person waiting to take her exam. She was taking a pharmacy tech exam and was also just as nervous as I was. Except when I am nervous, I can’t stop talking…and because I left my phone in the car, this poor pharmacy girl was my victim. I learned many things about her: where she lived, went to school, kids, everything…….but, should have known by her short answers that I maybe I should maybe leave her alone…..I didn’t.
I was trying to get my mind at ease before they opened the doors to the testing center and this poor girl amused me.
Finally 7:30am the doors opened and we were asked to get a number and wait for our number to be called. I jumped at number 1, I can’t wait any longer than I already have to. There was a lady seated attentively and upright behind a desk. She looked up at me as I entered and sat. After I'd arranged myself in the chair, she called ‘number one please”.
Yes, I explained, that’s me.
She asked me what exam I was here to take, and I felt the tears welling up as I said, I am here to take my NCLEX exam.
"Your authorization to test and ID, please."
"Empty your pockets, take off your watch, and leave everything in this basket, grab a locker and keep the locker key with you. Please take this paper and read it. I will call you in a few minutes."
She was a very formal business woman, whose tone was as crisp as her pristine ironed shirt.
I sat and tried to read the paper regarding NCLEX exam policies and violations when I touched the cross pendant on my necklace (to say a little prayer) and my necklace broke. As I held the small crucifix in my hand I thought to myself - oh no, this is not a good sign. I’ve never worn this necklace before and the cross pendant was a graduation gift also not worn yet. I asked and was told that I was not allowed to carry my necklace in my pocket, I had to lock it up with the rest of my things (which consisted of a water bottle and set of keys), so I did.
When the woman was ready for me, I had to sign my name, let her finger print me, scan my palm 5 times, get my photo taken, sign my name again, lock up my things, on and on and on. Finally she gathered my papers, scanned my finger one last time, and walked with me two steps into the hallway.
There was a woman seated in the monitoring station, watching the test takers. Though calling it a monitoring station is a kind of visual understatement. Her station looked upon so many screens. She informed me that I would be monitored at ALL times by video and speaker. Yep, they can hear you breathe as you take your exam! WOW!
She took my ID as well, scanned my fingerprint, activated my test in the computer, and escorted me inside to my terminal. I noted that I was seated at computer #8, right smack dab in the middle of the room. I guess that’s what I get for grabbing that #1 ticket.
When the test finally began, it looked exactly like the review books describe them. I didn't feel nervous at that time. I felt like I had a really good chance.
Until I got terrified…..
I felt the exam was very difficult and then it cut off at 75. What? NO! I'm not done, I need more time. I was already crying so the tears just continued to flow. I had to raise my quivering hand to inform the lady that I was finished and to be escorted out and she scanned my fingerprint and palm again so I could leave.
I cried all the way to my car, I called hubby…no answer. Called my sister…no answer. called parents…..no answer. Called friends….no answer. ughhh. I needed to vent, where is everybody?
I checked the testing website and for some strange reason, my results had posted….I PASSED!
So, I cried even more.
I called a classmate/friend and we laughed and shared stories all the way home. She made me feel so much better. Thank you, Mispa!
Oh, and my broken necklace….it was a sign….a good one. That the Lord was with me that day like I asked him to and he was going to get me through this!
Studying nursing has been good for me in so many ways, I've grown past anxieties and gained a measure of self-confidence. The changes were subtle and slow, but when I look back, I'm amazed at how far I've come.
Finding a path in life that both complements and challenges you is a gift. In this crazy world, I was lucky that my ambition in life actually worked for me. I have shaped my character and strengthened my identity. Of course, it was tedious and downright depressing.
But here I am now, with a degree and initials after my name. After all of it... after everything... I made it.

Tassels to The Left......

I knew that my nursing degree, would be my most valued and hardest earned. During school, I worried a lot about working and going to school full time, and that I would miss out on time with my kids. I realize now that they were totally ready for whatever sacrifices they had to make. They wanted to see me in a job and career I liked. And as they approach college, it wasn't the worst thing in the world for them to see me getting a degree, and to see that sometimes you have to keep trying even when things don't go perfectly.
That middle shelf of books, has been my life for the past two years. Well, not completely.....I must say, the friends I made in the classroom and in clinicals were too. They will be lifetime friends. We will be following one another's career progress, and will definitely cross paths again.
These people who I studied with, commiserated with, cried with, sweated test scores with, people who came from every background and every age: we are forever bonded by this experience.
Those early red-eyed mornings, when coffee was just not doing the trick, another mess in the patients bed to clean, days we really missed our children, or those days when we felt like we did not know what the heck we were doing.....we got each other thru those crazy days! The best of times will be remembered too......the first time seeing a live birth, group lunches, squiggly neck hairs, getting all your meds administered on time......those are some good times.
But, as we say goodbye to the classroom, we open the door to a new life......can you believe we are nurses?!!!!
We all felt like this day would never get here and here we are!
CONGRATULATIONS, my dear classmates.....we made it!
I wish you luck in everything you do and wherever life takes you.

My cup runneth over

I am overwhelmed with emotions right now and I am going to attempt to put them into words so, here goes......

Yesterday, we felt the wonderful effects of a cold front that is traveling thru the north. And in the midst of the wonderful weather; last night my husband, kids, and friends hosted a congratulatory celebration in our neighborhood park for me. It was so nice to drive through my neighborhood and see people just casually enjoying the beautiful evening and also giving me hugs, presents, and congratulations. It is wonderful to know that I am surrounded by such caring people.

I didn't say very much because I knew I would cry. But I want to share what I wanted to say last night:

The last year has been the most difficult year of my life. At a time in my life when my cup seems to have so many holes in it, people around me just kept coming forward and pouring and pouring to fill it back up, when I felt at a loss. There were so many times that I wondered why I was in school so late in life. I know that it was my decision to start a family early and although I really enjoy being a mother, I felt the need to accomplish my life long goal of becoming a nurse. And I have painfully missed soccer games, school activities and birthday parties that I can never take back. Ours lives are filled with so many hard decisions these days. The emotional weight of it all has been wearing us down, but we can keep putting one foot in front of the other because we are surrounded by such loving friends and family.
Mike, kids, family, and friends: I have survived this year because of all of you. Thank you' doesn't seem like enough but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know what I ever did to be worthy of such an outpouring of affection but it sustains me.

Thank you.

Hello: My Name is ROOM MOM

Tonight was meet the teacher night at the elementary school and I must have been in a deep fog from lack of sleep or something because before I knew what I was doing…..I was trying on PTA t-shirts, signing up for parties, and writing out a check…..to volunteer my free time ALL year long!

It hit me when I was discussing cookie dough sales with anther PTA mom, that I must have been suffering from temporary insanity. It’s going to be comical to watch myself juggle working full time, taking my kids to practice, cooking dinner from scratch, helping with homework, and keeping my house clean & organized….and what about all the ME time I have been looking forward to all summer???
Oh, crap!

Need to vent, just a little

I normally don't do this but, sometimes it's just down right necessary! I'm human and I have a breaking point and react in ways I normally wouldn't......... hence, airing my dirty laundry via blogger. But, this will be the only and last time, I promise because I am bigger and better than this. So, here goes........

Some people don't know the truth and spread lies they heard from others. Others don't know the truth but, they promote misquided and faulty information......the worst thing you can do is lie to me or about me. Please don't do it, it just makes you look like a fool.

Always remember Proverbs 19:9

There, all done!!! Now, back to the old me :]

Senioritis

I’m sitting here, in my last weeks of nursing school.......studying those last few chapters and having a really hard time concentrating.With graduation right around the corner, I almost wish I felt more excited about it but really, I am so over it!This must be what senioritis feels like. The senioritis that I thought I would never have.I still have so many chapters to cover but, right now all I want to do is sit and read a book or watch a good movie.Well, I actually am watching a movie while typing this, and trying to study- which probably isn’t the best combination.I think my brain has officially checked out…..

Some other beginnings end......

The first day of school for me, is one of the most exciting days of the year, especially as a child. There's was always a breezy excitement in the air. There’s a smell that I can’t quite pinpoint, I think it’s a mix of pink erasers, sharpened pencils, and new backpacks, that used to hit all my senses and made it that much more exciting.  
It sounds cheesy, but I actually got very nostalgic. That excitement came rushing back as I was pulling out my last syllabus of nursing school. I've waited a long time for this day. From this point on it’s the final count down.
This is itl…..the end of the nursing school road. Best of luck to everyone this semester, whether it’s your first or last – we’re all on this road together.
 

The End of A Long Summer

This morning, all of my children climbed on a school bus and for eight hours I will have total peace and quiet. I crave quiet and structure. I crave the lack of chaos.
Although, summer wasn’t as hard as I expected, I’m glad it is over. During the last couple of months we have moved…twice…and are ready to get settled and begin a great year.
We all had a fun, busy summer and survived it. So, I don’t plan on doing much today just drinking coffee, writing a little, reading a lot, and listening to the sounds of silence. I may use some time today to schedule volunteer hours at the school. Or maybe sign up for the Fall festival. I do enjoy helping the teachers, decorating the bulletin boards, stuffing folders, and making copies. Dang, there I go scheduling my free time already…and it’s barely just started…….
With all that said, I am going to enjoy my day. I don’t imagine I will get out of my pajamas. I’ll think about volunteering later….you know, when I am a little rested.

Back To School

I must admit I get excited about the notion of shopping for school supplies. It takes me back to the days when my mom would take us shopping in my small hometown. We’d stroll through aisles of neatly stacked workbooks and the whole place smelled of paper and pencil shavings and pristine erasers and held the promise of new beginnings, new friends to make, new things to learn, and new ways to avoid eating cafeteria food.

There was only one store we would go to but back to school shopping is just not that simple any more. Last year I hit three super stores, two pharmacies, and four office supply stores in search of every last item on the list. By the time we made it to the checkout line at each store I found myself flustered at the shortage of Fiskars scissors or 10 cent glue sticks. After getting completely burned out on shopping for school supplies last year, somehow I managed to miss the end-of-the year sign up for pre-packaged school supply packs. Seriously, is there a worse time to send out announcements than May when you’ve already OD’d on field trip forms, permission slips, and other announcements related to end of school year festivities? Besides, I really think that back to school shopping is a tradition, one that marks the end of summer and the start of new beginnings.

Take it from me, shopping for school supplies is not as memorable as you recall from your own childhood but, I still can't bring myself to buy the pre-paid packages. That takes all the fun out of this frustrating but fun shopping experience.

Just Another Manic Monday

I had everything ready for our first day back to school from winter break. The kids clothes was layed out and snacks were packed. The sound of coffee brewing was my morning sountrack. Everything went according to my plan, until it was time to head out the door. Ofcourse, at that time, I realize that someone hasn't brushed their teeth, someone could't find a shoe, and another someone couldn't find their library book.
So instead of being as organized as I so desperatley want to be, today turned out to be another normal chaotic morning.
Lately I feel like it is a crazy chaotic mess, offset by small clusters I have organized in an attempt to regain control. Like a pair of old shoes, it is scuffed. I find myself continually frustrated as I once again step on a Lego, and gather up stray shoes, cups, and make repeated pleas to the girls to pick up after themselves.
But..... it is home.
Finally I get the kids out the door being only a few minutes off schedule, and I sigh in relief.
Today was my busy, manic Monday. Yoga in the morning, followed by grocery shopping, lunch with a friend, and (hopefully) an afternoon nap. Running late was not ann option!
My life is an unpredictable series of comedies in error, incidents of unknown origin, and fly by the seat of my pants parenting.
I am slowly learning to embrace the chaos because it means I have a house full of life, love, and not to mention dirty laundry:)

A New Change

This year is not going to be easy.
After Christmas I start making a list of the things that I need to get done, things I need to change, and things I need to appreciate.

This is what 2010 will be like for us:
Sydney will be entering middle school and I am nervous for her. I am not ready for the middle school drama, hormones, and boys. She is still my little girl.
Naty will get glasses and braces. This year she will go through a dramatic transformation and I don't look forward to her changing smile.
Ethan is starting to lose teeth, this year he will also go through changing face, height, and weight. He will still play sports but, he will start hockey soon!
Mike will become a fireman. He will work long hours and we will miss having him home every night. I am proud of him for making the career change in order to support his family but, it also makes me scared.
This year I will become a nurse. The lives of many will rest in my hands and depend on my knowledge. I will have finally reached the goal I have worked so hard for.

I have realized that I have so much to get done, appreciate, and change.With every new year I set new goals, new dreams, leave the anger, hope for better, lose the drama, and cherish my loved ones but, I have made it my priority to make sure this BUSY year will bea great one!!!!
Happy New Year!

Third Time, No Charm

This is my third time to send a child to kindergarten. And while some experiences are easier once you have already been through them, I can honestly say that this is not one of those. Sending number three to school was just as hard as it when my two oldest went to kindergarten.
Kindergarten is hard because it marks the end of an era, the baby era. No more mommy and me play dates, shopping trips at 10am, and snuggling in bed for naps at noon. By the time a child goes to kindergarten, they feel the need for independence. Despite all the preparation I've done, a wave of emotions hit me all at once.
Just like when Sydney & Naty started kindergarten, I felt those same words and emotions pouring out again……
Did I prepare him enough? Will he make friends? Will he be picked on? Will he eat all his lunch?
The first couple days of school have been busy and big sisters have been very helpful. Over breakfast, you can hear big sisters explaining lunch room procedures, recess, and anything else they could to make their brother feel comfortable. I just smiled knowing they would be there to take care of him during the day. But, it didn't make me miss them any less.
By the third day of school all I got when I dropped them off was a simple wave goodbye. So when I got back home, I just had to sit for a moment. And then memories of the last five years seemed to hit at once.
Their first smiles.
Their first steps.
Their first words.
Their kind heart and compassionate spirit.
And now I had another first to add to the list.
Their first day of school.
How could we be here already? All three kiddos are in school, and it came too fast!
Have we really given Ethan what he needs to be successful?
Because now, everyday, he has to rely on his own thoughts and decisions without our supervision. It’s his first real step towards independence. And my first real step towards letting go.
Now I was home alone (with hubby) with just random thoughts and memories of my children and it made me sad. So I decided to make myself busy to help make my day easier. But, When I put Ethan's shoes back in his cubby...tears, when I picked up Naty's dirty laundry....tears, when I vaccuumed Sydney's room...tears!!! It took all of me to patiently wait for the school day to end, the afternoon walk seemed longer than usual...I just couldn't get there fast enough! Then I wondered if the kids would be just as happy to see me as I was to see them. What would I do if they weren't? All I got this morning was a hurried 'see ya' and a quick wave. When the school bell rang and the kids flooded through those big glass doors, here they came running. smiling. happy. happy to see me!!!
Guess what? They really missed me too!!!!

Meet The Teacher

Last night was our Elementary schools meet the teacher night. This is the first time that all my kiddos will be in school. It was a very overwhelming experience.
Ethan, my youngest, will be starting Kindergarten this year. Seems like only yesterday, I was bringing my little man home and now I found myself packing his backback with school supplies and showing him the ways around the school. His class will be directly across from his best buddy, Parker's class, so I'm sure they will help eachother get to and from class and I know he will enjoy being a big boy now.

Sydney is starting fifth grade so this will be her last year in elementary school and I am glad that she will share the halls with her brother and sister before she moves on to junior high. This year she will switch classes four different times and will have to learn how to get used to having multiple teachers. I am sure that this year, as she like to put it...her and her friends will 'rule the school'. She is growing way too fast!

Naty is going to third grade and will be facing the dreaded taks testing and she worries a little about it. I am confident that she will be fine, she has a great head on her shoulders and is very book smart: advanced in reading and math. She is fortunate to have her best friend, Lilly, in her class again this year. They saw eachother last night and picked seats right next to eachother. Lilly and Naty have the kind of friendship that will last forever, BFF's as they call it, for sure!!!
This year will be quite an adventure for our family. With my work schedule and Mike's fire schedule, we will still be able to walk our kids to school, go on field trips, juggle between three different class parties, and still have days to ourselves for errands and alone time. It's an adventure that will take some getting used to but one that I am looking forward to =)

Missing Those Summer Days...already

It’s only August 2nd but, it seems like summer is over. The lazy stretched out weeks of summer are gone (snif snif) and I’ve got nothing to show for it. Not even a decent tan.
Our trip home to Florida was great and the weather was perfect. It was so nice to see family and have rainy summer days. Aside from the humiduty, the warm mosit air and 75 degree weather was anice break from the Texas heat!! By the time I got home, three glasses of wine wasn’t enough to manage my stress.
Clearly, the problem lies with me. Call me crotchity, but I find that I require a certain amount of quiet and sleeping hours to maintain my sanity. Some days there’s no such thing as quiet or sleep in my family.
I wish I could have stayed in Florida longer, but vacations can’t last forever. I'm just grateful that I was able to make two trips home this summer.
Moving on.
We’re home now and I am trying to finish my spring cleaning! Why do they call it that, heck I 'spring clean' all year long!!! Going through outgrown clothing and unmatched tupperware is an ongoing project. I'm trying to get my pantry stocked with lunch box items and get school clothes and supplies in order.....See? Summer really is over.
Maybe once the kids are in school, I’ll get something done.

Where Are My Babies

I took the kids to get some school clothes today. What an emotional day!
All the backpacks look so big on my little man and not only did I let Ethan pick out his first pair of kindergarten shoes (well, shoes we both liked) but he picked out his first lunchbox. He was so excited because it's a Super Mario Bros metal lunchbox, like years ago, and he said "I bet no one will have one like this". he was so excited, he held onto it so tightly making sure not to set it down. It looked so big on him but he was so proud.
Naty picked out a few things and I learned that for once she is in the same shoe size that she was last year...thank goodness! Until now she was still wearing size 5 and 6, and although the clothes still fits, she has grown!!!! So, I have to get her some new jeans to hide her ankles and new shirts to hide her belly. I went through her closet and have four large bags of clothes to get rid of!!!!
The hardest time for me was when I went to help Sydney find some clothes and the kid section was no longer an option, my little girl is onto big girl clothes. She is now shopping in the junior section!!! This is her style now. She found a purple jacket that she absolutely fell in love with and her face just lit up when she put it on. I think she will want to wear it everyday. I am not ready for all of this.