Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Third Time, No Charm

This is my third time to send a child to kindergarten. And while some experiences are easier once you have already been through them, I can honestly say that this is not one of those. Sending number three to school was just as hard as it when my two oldest went to kindergarten.
Kindergarten is hard because it marks the end of an era, the baby era. No more mommy and me play dates, shopping trips at 10am, and snuggling in bed for naps at noon. By the time a child goes to kindergarten, they feel the need for independence. Despite all the preparation I've done, a wave of emotions hit me all at once.
Just like when Sydney & Naty started kindergarten, I felt those same words and emotions pouring out again……
Did I prepare him enough? Will he make friends? Will he be picked on? Will he eat all his lunch?
The first couple days of school have been busy and big sisters have been very helpful. Over breakfast, you can hear big sisters explaining lunch room procedures, recess, and anything else they could to make their brother feel comfortable. I just smiled knowing they would be there to take care of him during the day. But, it didn't make me miss them any less.
By the third day of school all I got when I dropped them off was a simple wave goodbye. So when I got back home, I just had to sit for a moment. And then memories of the last five years seemed to hit at once.
Their first smiles.
Their first steps.
Their first words.
Their kind heart and compassionate spirit.
And now I had another first to add to the list.
Their first day of school.
How could we be here already? All three kiddos are in school, and it came too fast!
Have we really given Ethan what he needs to be successful?
Because now, everyday, he has to rely on his own thoughts and decisions without our supervision. It’s his first real step towards independence. And my first real step towards letting go.
Now I was home alone (with hubby) with just random thoughts and memories of my children and it made me sad. So I decided to make myself busy to help make my day easier. But, When I put Ethan's shoes back in his cubby...tears, when I picked up Naty's dirty laundry....tears, when I vaccuumed Sydney's room...tears!!! It took all of me to patiently wait for the school day to end, the afternoon walk seemed longer than usual...I just couldn't get there fast enough! Then I wondered if the kids would be just as happy to see me as I was to see them. What would I do if they weren't? All I got this morning was a hurried 'see ya' and a quick wave. When the school bell rang and the kids flooded through those big glass doors, here they came running. smiling. happy. happy to see me!!!
Guess what? They really missed me too!!!!

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