New Years Irresolution

I have discovered, over and over, that it is important for me not to go above and beyond the things that make me, me.  Over the years, I've tried to change, but the results have not changed.

Once a year, I decide that I'm ready to be a real, responsible, healthy adult and it always ends terribly for me. But, I try anyway.  I sit myself down and tell myself how I'm going to do this.  Schedules are drafted.  Day-planners are purchased.  I stock up on fancy food because I'm planning on converting my entire family into healthier eating habits. I put away my daily yoga pants and pull out my nice jeans, skirts, heels and button down shirts. Yes, I prepare for my new life like some people prepare for the apocalypse.

The first day or two of my plans usually goes okay.

For a little while, I actually feel all grown-up and healthy!  I strut around with my ‘dressy’ clothes, looking everyone in the eye with that  glance that says "look at ME, I’m dressed up and responsible….just look at all my fancy groceries.”

At some point, I start feeling self-congratulatory.

This is a mistake.  

I begin to feel like I've accomplished my goals. I lose a few pounds, my nails are done, my hair is perfect, and I feel really good about myself. It's like I think a lifestyle change is something that can be earned like a trophy in one epic burst of effort and then coveted for the rest of my life.  

What usually ends up happening is that I completely wear myself out. Thinking that I've earned it, I give myself permission to slack off for a while. My fancy shoes, give m blisters (oh, how I miss my flip flops). I break out from wearing make-up everyday, and I get really tired of cooking every night!

Is it really that bad, if I wear my holed jeans while I run my errands? I’ll make sure to flat iron my hair and put on some lip gloss, this is acceptable, right? 

Well, I end up needing to take more recovery time than usual and this is when it all starts….

The longer I procrastinate, put on my yoga pants, and allow myself to drive thru Chic-fil-a for dinner, only leads to more and more irresolution.  

At some point in this endlessly spiraling disaster, I am forced to throw all of my energy into starting over again, just to dig myself out of the pit I've fallen into. The problem is that I start over, already burnt out from the last round. I won’t allow myself to fail. But,I do because it always ends the same way.  

And then I rebel.  

yummmm!

So, I’ve come to a new yearly resolution…..Do more of what makes me happy, fly by the seat of my pants, and laugh more! I’ll never fail at this one. 

Happy New Year, family and friends! 

I've decided to home school

I was informed a few of months ago that my sweet young son was struggling with reading.  After meeting with his teacher, and hearing her recommendations, I held it all together, smiled, and left.

The closer I got to the car…the tears filled my eyes and I completely lost it when I closed the car door. My little boy…..struggling…WHY? HOW? His older sisters are series book readers and have never been behind in any subject. Where did I go wrong with him? Was it because we moved schools? Was it because I went to nursing school? I felt a lot of guilt, and at that very moment I decided that I needed to do something. And I did.

I ordered home school materials and talked to all my friends. In just a few weeks of working with him, he improved so much! I won't lie and say that it was easy (for me) but, I CAN do this, I WILL do this, for my kids. Ethan is now reading chapter books and testing two grade levels higher in math (at times I feel like he is teaching me math…LOL!).

I’m not sure if the one-to-one instruction is just what he needed or if he is not getting the help that he needs at school but, whatever it is....it's working. 

I have enjoyed our teaching times and am considering to home school all the kids next year.  It will be a challenge but, I am looking forward to it. 

A letter for my kids: an apology

Dear Sydney, Naty, & Ethan,
Yes, I could have continued to just ‘stay at home’ but this family has one thing that many families don't: the eagerness to accomplish anything we set our minds to. When I got accepted into nursing school, love & support is the very least that I received from you all. This last year has been full of sacrifices from everyone around me, mostly you. At times I felt as though I was the only one going through the rocky times so, I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for the bumps in the road and promise to get things back t normal (if there is such a thing!)
I’m sorry for the mornings I wasn’t there to make your lunch and kiss you goodbye in front of the school. I’m sorry for the dinner plans that rotated around McDonalds or Chik-fil-a. I’m sorry for the mornings you woke me up instead of the other way around. I’m sorry for the last-minute book reports and projects that were forgotten. I’m sorry for the field trips and competitions and sports days that I wasn’t there to be a part of and to cheer you on. I’m sorry for the cupcakes I couldn’t bring, the cookies I didn’t bake and the class parties I couldn’t make. I’m sorry for the times I bought gifts to keep you busy instead of spending the time with you that I should have. I’m sorry for the times I yelled or snapped at you for minor things. I’m sorry that I projected my anger and frustration onto you way too many times. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the mother I should have been over these past months, that I had to focus so much of my attention school and exams. I hope you know that although it might have felt differently, I love you all more than anything in the world. I am thankful every day for the privilege of being your mother and I could not have gotten more perfect children. I pray that someday you will understand what happened during this time and that you will be forgiving of the many upsets and mistakes that were made. Mostly, I just pray that you always know how much you are loved.
I will make it up to you, that I can promise you.
Love,
Mommy, RN

All I want for Christmas, is a normal family photo

December is a busy month for professional photographers and with my familys’ busy schedule, appointments are almost a joke. Fortunately, I have a good camera and I don’t mind taking our family photos.

I thought this year was going to be a success because it was on our schedule, in our house, and nothing fancy.

BUT, NO! It was not what I imagined. Not only was my camera being uncooperative but my kids (including my husband) thought this was ‘fun’ time. They were giggling and being silly as soon as the flash went off.

"I just need one picture!" I said, ignoring the man-child. "Just one!"

I was not trying to get angry but, I was tired and already way behind. I used to be that person who patiently waited until the weekend after Thanksgiving to get her personally labeled, already stamped, ready to go Christmas cards in the mail. Oh, and did I mention that those cards were each handmade.

This year, there is notime to hand make anything....getting dinner on the table at a decent hour is a challenge so, no card making for me.

It is mid December, I'm getting tons of cards in the mail and, we haven’t even taken our family photo!!! Now that I have gotten us all together, everyone is being funny....with that, you can see my frustration.

In the 15 shots that followed, there was not a single picture where at least one of my children were making silly faces.

The quality of the family pictures dramatically improved once my tone got more begging and threatening.

"Close enough!" I shouted gleefully as I looked at the last few shots. DONE! I was just happy o get one.....ONE!

Next year, I think I will do whatever to let a professional take the photos:)

Moving Along

Four years ago my husband, kids, and I left Florida for the suburbs. But it took four years of living here to scope out the perfect neighborhood.

The moment I drove up the driveway of this cozy home, I was charmed. This house is nine years old and the families that owned this house before us had a dog, a cat, raised children here and gave it lots of love. But, it desperately needed some attention, my husband and I knew it was a diamond in the rough and a house we could be happy in for the next chapter of our life.  We made an offer the same day we walked through and thus embarked on plans to remodel.

Three weeks later, we started the renovation and last week we moved out of the rental and into the house.  The contractor probably could have used another three to four weeks before I brought my three kids and all of our belongings into the house.  On moving day we only had one fully functional bathroom, about 75% of the light fixtures installed, and several other random projects still to be completed.  However, the lease was up at the rental and we decided to move, finished or not, rather than pay for another months rent.  

Every time someone asks me how I like the new house, I just smile and have to admit that I do love it, although I can’t wait to get rid of the smell of fresh paint! I don't complain about the dust or the unpacked boxes that I can’t seem to make time for. And I don't mention the three to four workmen I spend my days with from 8:30am to 5pm.    

You see, having several people who come in and out of my house every day has it's benefits.  Seriously. Not knowing who is going to show up at what time of day forces me to get up early in the morning before my children wake up and take a shower.  Before I leave to drop off the kids at school I do a sweep of the house and make sure all the randomly strewn pajama tops, legos, stuffed animals and books are picked up and out of the way.  I'm not usually bothered by a little dust, but we live in a construction site and I find myself picking up the vacuum much more often than usual.  My house has not been this clean and organized in a long time.

But the biggest benefit of having a houseful of plumbers and electricians has been quite unexpected. I've had to find other ways to deal with the sibling smack-down that seems to always happen when we're late for school and no one has combed their hair yet or they can't find their homework.  

Honestly, it's been a wake up call for me.  I can solve problems without yelling and guess what?  When I am not so quick to anger, the tantrums don't last as long and arguments actually get resolved faster. While surrounded by power drills, hammers and chaos all day my family has become calmer.  Hopefully we can maintain the peace after all the knobs have been put on the cabinets and all the rooms are finally put together.

 

Fall Back

I love Fall. For me, it is the BEST time of the year. I love it when the summer heat is finally gone, the nights are cool, and the leaves start turning colors.

Every year I torture my family into taking family photos, I make us go out when the lighting is at its best (either early in the am or early evening.....and it's neither is convenient), we have to match, and it usually takes us a few tries to get it right) Each year we pull out previous years photos and compare, it is so funny, I love to hear the kids giggle over their own photos.

With all that, I stumbled across some old Fall photos from years ago:

Tears filled my eyes when I look back at those days. My kids are growing way too fast. It's more the reason that I will continue this tradition of torturous photo taking.....it's just too precious.

And the winner is......

I'd like to accept this award of 'The Worst Mom in the World' on behalf of all worst mom's everywhere.
I couldn't have done this without the help of my children who nominated me for this award.
I am daily reminded of them whenever I catch sight of those single white hairs, stretch-marked hips, and newly-discovered wrinkles.
Giving up my career, shoe-fetish, and nights of sleep to nurture them will forever be a testament to my dedication to make it as The Worst Mom ever.
I couldn't accomplish this without my being so completely selfish that I buy them a new toy or new clothes for absolutely no reason.
Oh, I can't forget to thank my husband either for his genetic contribution to our offspring and whose DNA runs rampantly through them.
I'd like to thank my parents for wishing upon me that my children will be just like ME.
Thanks, your dream has apparently come through.
Thank you Dr. Phil for showing me in all your infinite wisdom my failure as a mother and may you have continued success at the expense of all the other failing parents in the world.
Lastly, I'd like to thank my single, childless friends whose lives I live through vicariously every time they post a status update on Facebook. Without them, my dreams would be full of time-outs, potty words, and slamming doors instead of their wonderful exploits of freedom.
Thank You!