Sleepless in Scrubs

I missed another school event last night…because I had to work. I rolled into my front door at 9am because I had to stop and get groceries before I could go home. If I am fortunate, I will sleep like a rock, hard and solid. But, when the kids get home from school, they will be on their own again...struggling to stay quiet so I can sleep. When I finally awaken, I will stumble through a shower and make my way downstairs. I’ll attempt to listen to my kids tell me about their day, trying to retain what they are saying. Unfortunately a lot of it goes in one ear and out the other:(

Coffee. Where’s the coffee…

My husband gets home, I tell him what he needs to know about my day: I didn’t touch the laundry, I didn’t unload the dishwasher, dinner is not ready, and the kids just started on their homework…oh, and we need more coffee. He nods, gives me a hug and out the door I go.

My drive to work consists of some kind of caffeine drinking and clearing the fog from my head. What will be in store for me tonight? A high census? Call-ins? I stress myself out before I even get to work…..

Where am I going with this: well, I write this post as a tribute to the night nurses that I have had the pleasure to work with. Although I am jokingly called a traitor for accepting a day position, I can’t help but feel a bit sad for leaving such a great group of nurses, some of whom I can call my friends.

The conversations that go on at night are unforgettable.

At night, we get the crazies, the spontaneous labors, the A.M. scheduled c-sections in labor. Everything is a surprise. We are sleepy, but we are working hard. We are overlooked, but we are faithful. We are lonely, but united. We are irritable, but knowledgeable. We are independent, but deeply depend on each other. We work in the dark, but our humors are light. Our stomachs are bloated and our bladders are full. Life goes on without us, and we go on when life settles. We function in darkness, even in the daylight. We have found ourselves driving into our driveways with no memory of ever driving home.

Night shift friends, you’ve made me laugh when I’ve been at my very worst and helped me transition into the nurse that I am. When I see you, at change of shift, please know that I am forever grateful for you. XOXO 

The night shift

Lots of people don't like working night shifts. It makes you nocturnal, you miss out everything because you're comatose in bed, and sometimes people mistake your pasty skin for really bad makeup. For me, it’s a love/hate relationship.

I love the night shift staff, I love the ability to sleep in until 11am and get away with it on any given day.

There are, however, some things that make me wonder if I'm a little bit jacked in the head from working all these nights. Like this morning. I came home after 2 nights in a row of night shifts (after being on days for over a year), and was seriously craving for some waffles. I was so tired and really want to go to bed...but those waffles needed to come first.

There I was, standing at the counter with my toaster oven trying to stay awake. I’m still in my scrubs, I need to shower…. I really should...I could...but I don't.

Finally, my waffles are done, I sit on the couch, put on last nights’ Real Housewives of New Jersey, and begin to chow. I don’t care that I still have my scrubs on nor do I care about what could be on them after a 12 hour shift in Labor & Delivery! I was hungry and tired.
I don’t even know at what point I fell asleep but I was awakened by the sound of the garbage trucks taking my trash.
And guess what? Yep, my lovely waffles are now stuck in my hair, on my face, and on my beautiful 12 hour worn scrubs. Somehow I managed to keep it from getting on the couch, what a relief!
It’s not until I look in the mirror and laugh, that I shrug my shoulders, throw my arms in the air and say whatever!
I'm full, ten minutes from a carb coma, gotta work again tonight, and I'm going to bed.

I love/hate night shift.

A letter for my kids: an apology

Dear Sydney, Naty, & Ethan,
Yes, I could have continued to just ‘stay at home’ but this family has one thing that many families don't: the eagerness to accomplish anything we set our minds to. When I got accepted into nursing school, love & support is the very least that I received from you all. This last year has been full of sacrifices from everyone around me, mostly you. At times I felt as though I was the only one going through the rocky times so, I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for the bumps in the road and promise to get things back t normal (if there is such a thing!)
I’m sorry for the mornings I wasn’t there to make your lunch and kiss you goodbye in front of the school. I’m sorry for the dinner plans that rotated around McDonalds or Chik-fil-a. I’m sorry for the mornings you woke me up instead of the other way around. I’m sorry for the last-minute book reports and projects that were forgotten. I’m sorry for the field trips and competitions and sports days that I wasn’t there to be a part of and to cheer you on. I’m sorry for the cupcakes I couldn’t bring, the cookies I didn’t bake and the class parties I couldn’t make. I’m sorry for the times I bought gifts to keep you busy instead of spending the time with you that I should have. I’m sorry for the times I yelled or snapped at you for minor things. I’m sorry that I projected my anger and frustration onto you way too many times. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the mother I should have been over these past months, that I had to focus so much of my attention school and exams. I hope you know that although it might have felt differently, I love you all more than anything in the world. I am thankful every day for the privilege of being your mother and I could not have gotten more perfect children. I pray that someday you will understand what happened during this time and that you will be forgiving of the many upsets and mistakes that were made. Mostly, I just pray that you always know how much you are loved.
I will make it up to you, that I can promise you.
Love,
Mommy, RN

A New Change

This year is not going to be easy.
After Christmas I start making a list of the things that I need to get done, things I need to change, and things I need to appreciate.

This is what 2010 will be like for us:
Sydney will be entering middle school and I am nervous for her. I am not ready for the middle school drama, hormones, and boys. She is still my little girl.
Naty will get glasses and braces. This year she will go through a dramatic transformation and I don't look forward to her changing smile.
Ethan is starting to lose teeth, this year he will also go through changing face, height, and weight. He will still play sports but, he will start hockey soon!
Mike will become a fireman. He will work long hours and we will miss having him home every night. I am proud of him for making the career change in order to support his family but, it also makes me scared.
This year I will become a nurse. The lives of many will rest in my hands and depend on my knowledge. I will have finally reached the goal I have worked so hard for.

I have realized that I have so much to get done, appreciate, and change.With every new year I set new goals, new dreams, leave the anger, hope for better, lose the drama, and cherish my loved ones but, I have made it my priority to make sure this BUSY year will bea great one!!!!
Happy New Year!

A Latte to Learn

To know me is to know that I love my occasional Starbucks coffee. I keep within a budget in order to fulfill my love for it. With every sip, I revisit a talk with a friend, the change in weather, the current season, or the memories of coffee brewing at home while I was growing up.
Yes, my Starbucks has gotten me through some really difficult and very happy times in my life.
So, you can see why I was fascinated when I came across this book:
‘How Starbucks Saved My Life” by Michael Gates Gill.
I thought for sure it must be either a love story…two people who met and fell in love at Starbucks or better yet always crossed paths at Starbucks but never met…until they did.
Yeah, this title can mean many different things and my mind was wandering but, I was not expecting what the real story of the book was.
Michael Gill learned mostly about himself during his employment at Starbucks, and his lessons (not about coffee) are very translatable to all of us.
At one time in his life, Mr. Gill was the epitome of success. He was raised in the high society of New York, living in fancy apartments and going to private schools. In his own career as a senior advertising executive, he traveled widely, rubbing shoulders with the creme De La creme, including, quite literally, the Queen of England.
Then everything came crashing down around him. Without warning, he was fired. It turns out, neither past performance, experience nor contacts meant anything. Mr. Gill was expendable because of age and his own poor choices left him without his family or future job prospects. Most tragically, he lost all of his self-worth.
His story is an inspirational one based on how he came to be hired by the world’s largest coffee chain, the chain associated with competence and customer satisfaction, is instructive — but not as much as what he learned his first year on the job. These days, however, he's traded his thousand dollar suits for khakis and a green apron for a job as a Batista at Starbucks. But Gill says he couldn't be happier.
Losing his job turned out to be a gift in disguise.
It was within the world of Starbucks that he began really to see other people for who they are. He saw how people overcame obstacles that would have defeated him and saw how hard “simple” jobs can be. Just showing up on time, when you have no car and need to live in a decent place. He learned that this took a lot of effort.
This book reminds me of the kitchen and housekeeping staffs of large hospitals, the aides that are repeatedly late, or nurses whose need to leave on time is obvious. Their lives are ruled by time.

Mr. Gill didn’t change much — except his attitude. But that made all the difference. Instead of contributing to a stressful workplace, he found himself in an environment where appreciation of customers and fellow employees was important. He came to take pride in his accomplishments, even becoming the store’s best bathroom cleaner. His past snobbishness had accomplished nothing except to defeat other people.

The individual store in this book has much in common with an individual nursing unit or clinic. What does a book about Starbucks have to do with nursing? If you say, not much, you would be wrong. In each case, if everyone does not pull together, much can be lost: customers, patients and employees. Some managers have great gifts, bringing out the best in everyone. Some employees are the same. They pull their weight, help others and always look out for the general good.Others don’t. They create a hostile environment in which no one thrives. Mr. Gill shows how people of completely different backgrounds, abilities and motivations can come together and create something worthwhile.
With all this said, I think that everyone should read this book. It could open your mind to things that you never knew existed.