Hello 32

I turn 32 tomorrow. I can’t help but feel my age, plus a few more years. Then again, I have never been 32, so I really don’t know what this is supposed to feel like.What I do know is that I have 3 kids, and the youngest will be starting full-day kindergarten in the fall, so I wonder what I will do to fill my days. I have been so entrenched in the throws of motherhood for the past ten years that I am looking forward to getting to know me again.
On my birthdays I tend to reflect on where I am, where I’ve been and where I’m heading. I do that from time to time, but on my birthday, my mind gets the best of me. I allow myself to wallow too much about things, especially the past, I usually compare myself with who I thought I’d be when I turned 32, or any other age past, present and future.
But my life isn't as bad as I sometimes allow myself to believe. In fact, I have a lot of things to be thankful for: my health (okay, I’m not athletic or anything, but I’m not ill with anything serious), my wonderful supportive family, a tight circle of friends, and a lovely house to come home to (despite the laundry piles that never seem to go away).
But of course, I am brought up to always want more. I’m a cursed over-achiever and I have a problem settling. I’t does not mean that I'm ungrateful, but I’m always, always, always working towards something better. This explains why I’m busting my chops to earn a Masters degree, and why some days I’m wound up too tight, I guess that’s just how I’m wired.
In the course of living my life, I have misjudged a lot of things and a few people too. Most importantly, I misjudged myself, thinking I already don't have it all. Now I know better, life is about the journey, the process, and living to its fullest.
So, let's get back to where I started. Maybe this year, I should just pretend that turning 32 is no different than any other day. I should still expect the same things, seek out to do the same stuff and carry on as normally do or perhaps I need a new birthday tradition, something special in my own honour. Maybe I can celebrate myself, my achievements, who I am.. not just who I’m trying to be.
Okay, I am a creature of habit and into traditions but coming up with something new and creative, something original.... now that’s a challenge. Still, I’m sure I can figure something out. Gosh, this is tougher than I thought.
I've decided I won’t allow myself to be disappointed, no matter what happens tomorrow. There’s too may things to be happy about, and on the same note, too many things more worthy of my concern.
So in closing, happy birthday ‘ole girl. You’ve made it this far and who knows what lies ahead. Keep the faith and never, ever give up. The best is yet to come, Happy Birthday to ME!