I can do this!!!!

I have been blessed with the ability to juggle the things in life that matter to me. Yes, it is possible to be a working mother, soccer mom, PTA mom, domestic housewife (yes, I clean my own house) and still have a social life. One of the things I struggle with most, is guilt. I think that having a job outside the home adds another layer to the guilt that every mom feels.
 I have really struggled with is finding a true mentor in my current work place - someone who I look at and think that I want to be exactly like her. In the field of nursing, that can be quite challenging but, at least I do know the type of woman that I want to be...she's not perfect, but she works hard. She is a good nurse, wife and mother. She honors the Lord in all she does and raises her kids with dignity and love. All of this comes with sacrifice.
I find it quite comical that people often approach me and ask me ‘how I do it all?’ I find it funny because a lot of people see the ‘calm, cool, collected’ me that has it all together when it comes to balancing motherhood and being a somewhat workaholic. How can people think that I do this so easily? Only my husband sees some of the frantic episodes that occur more frequently than you think. So I'm going to burst your bubble...I can’t always ‘do it all’, but instead I have found what works for me. Fulfilling my dreams to become a nurse came with many sacrifices. Some sacrifices were not a big deal and others were painful.
 How did I become OK with that you might ask? A lot of prayer! I am the first to admit that I can be one of the world's worst about taking things into my own hands instead of waiting for God's direction. I recently had one of these times...I leaned heavily on my own abilities and ended up frustrated. I did finally come to a point where I came on my knees to God, asking for his path for my life. I'll admit that the answer I got wasn't exactly what I expected, but God granted me with a true peace about it.
So when you see me working double shifts, getting up for boot camp at 0500am, volunteering at the kids school and rushing home to have dinner with my family…know that I am grateful for every minute of it.

I'm a soccer mom, hear me whine

No one asks to be a soccer mom When people ask you what you want to be when you grow up, few little girls respond with ‘soccer mom’.
This year my son has begun his 7th soccer season in rec league. Do you know what this means? I’ve been a soccer mom for over four years!!! I love it but, it’s a new indoor soccer season at the moment, so here I am again with the soccer mom talk and yes, I’d love some cheese with this whine.
As Ethan’s biggest fan, we take soccer seriously now. No more joking around with the juice boxes and the snack sign-up sheets and let’s not keep score out loud so it doesn’t hurt the kids feelings, people. No more reading Cosmo on the sidelines. (Or wait, was that just me?)
Soccer means war. Stuff like,other teams with names and numbers embroidered on custom-made backpacks, and wearing matching shoes.....there is like body-checking, and slide kicking and jersey-grabbing and it’s apparently all legal and I’m just waiting for them to poke eyes out and go all “Three Stooges” on each other!
I'm scared. I’m the reluctant soccer mom, who’d rather be weeding the garden than sitting on a sideline trying to think of something to yell to my poor kid, who’s getting pushed around for two 20 minutes halfs on this big, big field.
Just SHOOT me!

The night shift

Lots of people don't like working night shifts. It makes you nocturnal, you miss out everything because you're comatose in bed, and sometimes people mistake your pasty skin for really bad makeup. For me, it’s a love/hate relationship.

I love the night shift staff, I love the ability to sleep in until 11am and get away with it on any given day.

There are, however, some things that make me wonder if I'm a little bit jacked in the head from working all these nights. Like this morning. I came home after 2 nights in a row of night shifts (after being on days for over a year), and was seriously craving for some waffles. I was so tired and really want to go to bed...but those waffles needed to come first.

There I was, standing at the counter with my toaster oven trying to stay awake. I’m still in my scrubs, I need to shower…. I really should...I could...but I don't.

Finally, my waffles are done, I sit on the couch, put on last nights’ Real Housewives of New Jersey, and begin to chow. I don’t care that I still have my scrubs on nor do I care about what could be on them after a 12 hour shift in Labor & Delivery! I was hungry and tired.
I don’t even know at what point I fell asleep but I was awakened by the sound of the garbage trucks taking my trash.
And guess what? Yep, my lovely waffles are now stuck in my hair, on my face, and on my beautiful 12 hour worn scrubs. Somehow I managed to keep it from getting on the couch, what a relief!
It’s not until I look in the mirror and laugh, that I shrug my shoulders, throw my arms in the air and say whatever!
I'm full, ten minutes from a carb coma, gotta work again tonight, and I'm going to bed.

I love/hate night shift.

Foolish Pride

In the 12 years that I have been a mother, I've learned a lot about myself. I have discovered both good and bad characteristics. And while it may be hard to recognize my own flaws sometimes, it’s necessary for personal growth. How do you have a relationship with anyone, including yourself, if you cannot take responsibility for your wrong doings? This is precisely the problem I am struggle with sometimes……
I am stubborn when it comes to admitting when I'm wrong. I am the type of person that justifies my every action. After realizing this, I immediately get upset thinking about the many altercations I could have avoided if I had just apologized.
I realize that no one is perfect. No matter how much I try to be a good person and how good my intentions are, I am going to make mistakes. I need to embrace my mistakes and own up to them. I have to learn that my mistakes made me who I am today and will continue to mold me into the person I will become.
So, from this day forward, I will try my best to let go of my pride and humble myself because making errors and being in the wrong isn't necessarily a bad thing.
It, at times, can be a learning experience that can change me for the better.

Unintentional Pity Party

I want to take this moment to thank everyone for your kind words, texts, and emails yesterday.
I didn't write yesterdays post to throw myself a pity party. I was just trying to blow off some steam (virtually) and be honest about the struggles I was having at the moment.
I consider myself blessed in many ways but, in no way is my life perfect, nor do I pretend it to be. Yesterday was an off day for sure. And, I think I was really more tired than anything else.
Venting gives me peace. Some days I surf blogs to see if any one else is going through whatever it is I'm dealing with at that time....and I always find someone who writes and makes me think......wow, she is totally blogging about my life right now!!!! And in a weird way, it makes me feel better to know that in certain situations, I am not alone....... then I laugh, cry, laugh (its a vicious cycle) and finally I feel better.
So, I'm hoping that yesterdays drama helped someone or at least made them laugh because I'm laughing about it now.
But to everyone who gave such kind words to me yesterday, you really made my day:)
Thank You!

Need to vent, just a little

I normally don't do this but, sometimes it's just down right necessary! I'm human and I have a breaking point and react in ways I normally wouldn't......... hence, airing my dirty laundry via blogger. But, this will be the only and last time, I promise because I am bigger and better than this. So, here goes........

Some people don't know the truth and spread lies they heard from others. Others don't know the truth but, they promote misquided and faulty information......the worst thing you can do is lie to me or about me. Please don't do it, it just makes you look like a fool.

Always remember Proverbs 19:9

There, all done!!! Now, back to the old me :]

A letter for my kids: an apology

Dear Sydney, Naty, & Ethan,
Yes, I could have continued to just ‘stay at home’ but this family has one thing that many families don't: the eagerness to accomplish anything we set our minds to. When I got accepted into nursing school, love & support is the very least that I received from you all. This last year has been full of sacrifices from everyone around me, mostly you. At times I felt as though I was the only one going through the rocky times so, I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for the bumps in the road and promise to get things back t normal (if there is such a thing!)
I’m sorry for the mornings I wasn’t there to make your lunch and kiss you goodbye in front of the school. I’m sorry for the dinner plans that rotated around McDonalds or Chik-fil-a. I’m sorry for the mornings you woke me up instead of the other way around. I’m sorry for the last-minute book reports and projects that were forgotten. I’m sorry for the field trips and competitions and sports days that I wasn’t there to be a part of and to cheer you on. I’m sorry for the cupcakes I couldn’t bring, the cookies I didn’t bake and the class parties I couldn’t make. I’m sorry for the times I bought gifts to keep you busy instead of spending the time with you that I should have. I’m sorry for the times I yelled or snapped at you for minor things. I’m sorry that I projected my anger and frustration onto you way too many times. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the mother I should have been over these past months, that I had to focus so much of my attention school and exams. I hope you know that although it might have felt differently, I love you all more than anything in the world. I am thankful every day for the privilege of being your mother and I could not have gotten more perfect children. I pray that someday you will understand what happened during this time and that you will be forgiving of the many upsets and mistakes that were made. Mostly, I just pray that you always know how much you are loved.
I will make it up to you, that I can promise you.
Love,
Mommy, RN

All I want for Christmas, is a normal family photo

December is a busy month for professional photographers and with my familys’ busy schedule, appointments are almost a joke. Fortunately, I have a good camera and I don’t mind taking our family photos.

I thought this year was going to be a success because it was on our schedule, in our house, and nothing fancy.

BUT, NO! It was not what I imagined. Not only was my camera being uncooperative but my kids (including my husband) thought this was ‘fun’ time. They were giggling and being silly as soon as the flash went off.

"I just need one picture!" I said, ignoring the man-child. "Just one!"

I was not trying to get angry but, I was tired and already way behind. I used to be that person who patiently waited until the weekend after Thanksgiving to get her personally labeled, already stamped, ready to go Christmas cards in the mail. Oh, and did I mention that those cards were each handmade.

This year, there is notime to hand make anything....getting dinner on the table at a decent hour is a challenge so, no card making for me.

It is mid December, I'm getting tons of cards in the mail and, we haven’t even taken our family photo!!! Now that I have gotten us all together, everyone is being funny....with that, you can see my frustration.

In the 15 shots that followed, there was not a single picture where at least one of my children were making silly faces.

The quality of the family pictures dramatically improved once my tone got more begging and threatening.

"Close enough!" I shouted gleefully as I looked at the last few shots. DONE! I was just happy o get one.....ONE!

Next year, I think I will do whatever to let a professional take the photos:)

To Those Who Wait......

The foreclosure is officially back on the market! Whew!!!!

As most of you know, I have been literally stalking my dream house since June. A house that just happens to be listed way below market value, in a great neighborhood, full of kids, with a large front porch, and a huge back yard. It's a foreclosure so these things take a while.

Well, last week, after months of waiting for it, the bank finally listed the house and we made our offer. And, so did someone else!!! Someone who offered more than we did and the bank accepted their offer. I was mortified!!!! Our hopes were ALL in that ONE house, the one that we have been waiting for all this time. We have our new carpet, kitchen cabinets, and counter tops picked out. The kids have already chosen their rooms and décor. This was heart breaking.

For the next five days, we sadly began looking at other homes on the market and of course nothing compared. Our marriage was challenged for sure. I wanted a big kitchen, Mike wanted a media room, I wanted a big yard, Mike wanted a pool. It was frustrating. Very frustrating.

But, after much aggravation and no new place to call home, I received a wonderful phone call. The first offer to the bank fell thru and the house was ours if we wanted it. Do I still want it?! What? The last time I answered YES that fast was when Michael proposed. Patience truly is a virtue and I believe that if something is meant to be, it will be. Our prayers were definitely answered.

I can’t wait to get moved in and make this our home.

Must Not Stress

Today I was lost in thought about the hundred little things that had to be done before Monday!

The ever-growing list of "must do items" was overwhelming.

The laundry. It looks like a small bomb went off in the laundry room. The pantry is overflowing with all of my recent coupon deals and needs some serious organization, it's Labor Day weekend and I must get a list together for a BBQ we are going to, I have items waiting for me at the dry cleaners and I have two overdue movies from blockbuster that seriously need to be returned, and don't even get me started on the garage.

This year I volunteered to help out at the kids school, made myself available to work 2 days a week, and joined a mom group. It’s crazy, every time my iPhone goes ping ping new message I jump! ughhhh

As these thoughts seemed to take over when, I told myself to consider the things that I did today that really matter.

Today, I have a son that has developed a love for sports and always keeps me on my toes, a daughter who is adjusting very well to middle school and making tons of friends, another daughter who is almost out of her braces and a great asset to her soccer team and, a hot Starbucks in my hand and a new found addiction to Twitter.

Laundry, lists, party planning, PTA, will eventually get done. It always does.

So, tonight I will turn my phone off, make some hot chocolate and have a game of scrabble while my Hubby's is distracted by Football. I confess it is the only way I can beat him.

I must be getting old because this kind of day, it thrills me to no end.

Bah Hum Bug

I've been really busy the past couple weeks. Running around, trying to do Christmas shopping, baking cookies, making Christmas cards, printing pictures to put in the cards, mailing packages, decorating, and trying to keep up with all the usual stuff is wearing me out. Every year, it seems I get farther away from the true reason we celebrate Christmas and I get sucked in farther to the commercialism of the whole thing. I'm about ready to tell the kids all about Santa and start a new tradition of not decorating and not buying presents and not baking cookies and not sending out cards. It's all just so overwhelming.

I went to the mall today. Well, I went to the parking lot of the mall anyway. After driving around for 20 minutes in search of a parking space, any parking space, a parking space 4 1/2 miles away even, I gave up and tried to make my way out of the entire mall-parking-area. That took another 20 minutes. By the time I made my escape onto a main road, I was cursing all of humanity. I really try to stop and think "What would Jesus do?" before reacting. But, then again, Jesus never had to drive among idiots in the Woodfield parking lot on December 21st.

Anyway, I'm trying to reclaim my laid-back, happy, joyful self this week. I'm trying to put all the ridiculouse expectations I put on myslef, and instead prepare for Jesus's birth instead of Santa's arrival.

And the winner is......

I'd like to accept this award of 'The Worst Mom in the World' on behalf of all worst mom's everywhere.
I couldn't have done this without the help of my children who nominated me for this award.
I am daily reminded of them whenever I catch sight of those single white hairs, stretch-marked hips, and newly-discovered wrinkles.
Giving up my career, shoe-fetish, and nights of sleep to nurture them will forever be a testament to my dedication to make it as The Worst Mom ever.
I couldn't accomplish this without my being so completely selfish that I buy them a new toy or new clothes for absolutely no reason.
Oh, I can't forget to thank my husband either for his genetic contribution to our offspring and whose DNA runs rampantly through them.
I'd like to thank my parents for wishing upon me that my children will be just like ME.
Thanks, your dream has apparently come through.
Thank you Dr. Phil for showing me in all your infinite wisdom my failure as a mother and may you have continued success at the expense of all the other failing parents in the world.
Lastly, I'd like to thank my single, childless friends whose lives I live through vicariously every time they post a status update on Facebook. Without them, my dreams would be full of time-outs, potty words, and slamming doors instead of their wonderful exploits of freedom.
Thank You!

Jon & Kate...hate

I have made fun of parental drama on TV, like Super Nanny and Dr. Phil, especially the episodes where the kids are completely out of control, those shows scare me a little but make my kiddos look soooo good.
Well I have recently tuned into the TLC show, JON AND KATE PLUS 8, about that family with 8 kids and all the drama? You know the one!
The show is about the marriage between Jon and Kate Gosselin and the chaos of having eight (OMG) kids! I, myself, only started watching it recently because of all the current headlines. But, let me tell you something….after only a half hour of watching that zoo, I was dismayed! What I got from the first 15 minutes of watching is that the Gosselin’s are a beautiful family, full of discipline issues, marriage problems, and kid chaos. What family isn't??? There are families, children, and marriages out there that struggle just to make it from day to day, so stop whining already!!!
Soooo, my problem???
We all know that there is plenty out there to poke fun at. But the awful truth is, it’s the children who suffer when parents act like idiots. Get it together people! Once you have kids, they should be your priority!

Cellphone drama

I had a minor gadget emergency the other day. I define this as an emergency because the emergency was that my cellphone kept turning itself off randomly and refusing to reignite in any way shape or form until it was ready. Really? Not an emergency, but in this day and age being without your cellphone feels like an emergency, especially when no one can get a hold of you without it. So after three days of being ready to run to the AT&T store and then having the damn thing magically heal itself, I had had enough. My phone is only a little over a year old and hadn't suffered any big trauma (everyone drops their phones, right?)...to my knowledge anyway, I suppose with phone loving little ones running around you never truly know...so I was not happy.
Cellphone salespeople have taken on a certain type in my mind, pretty much the same type as the used car salesman and the carnies. Anyone who shouts at me and tries to sell me something as I'm walking through the state fair with my three children, trying to hold three hands, juggling huge stuffed animals and a leaky lemonade immediately goes on my bad list.
And don't get me started on the nail file and hand lotion toting salespeople at the mall....they are on the list too!
Anyway, back to my phone.....I just knew, before I even called, that I was going to be told that my phone was worthless, no longer under warranty, and that I was going to have to buy a new one. Knowing that I was not yet eligible for a "free" phone, as my contract isn't up yet, I was internally screaming. Upon investigation, it appeared that the "moisture sensor" inside the battery compartment shined a brilliant shade of white, which immediately told me two things:
1. my phone had no water damage (despite the fact that I spilt coke on it the other day) and
2. it doesn't seem to be a warranty problem, but I guess I could send it in. Me without my phone for, at the very least, a week and a half....not good!
Lovely. I threw my phone down, ignored it, and pondering over the fact that I would lose all connection with the world for a few days....I decided I should send it in and guess what?
my phone began to work!

Life's a B

I've always believed that, "What goes around, comes around" and when all is said we should take accountability for our actions. With that in mind, I try hard to act with kindness...always.
I know that I am not perfect, and just laugh at the thought of trying to be. I have mistakes, who hasn't? But I always do the right thing and I am never intentionally mean. I know I am a good person. And for the most part, the people in my life are the same. But there are those, the self-centered few, that are just down right nasty. You know, the ones that don't seem to understand what it's like to give and take. Where do you think your pedestal is honey? cuz I don't see it!
Sooooo, where is the karma already??? Don't get me wrong, I don't wish anyone harm, just payback to bite them in the a*%? Do these people EVER get tired of the drama? Grow up already. enough is enough!